What If
SS by Amanda

“Justin,” I hear my girlfriend of 2 ½ years say softly and I raise my head up from my notebook at look at her.

I’ve been working on a song for the past hour and she’s been sitting quietly in the chair across the room watching me intently.

“Yeah,” I reply as I await her reason for this interruption.

“What if I had green eyes?” she says, never cracking a smile.

“What?” I ask, confused as to why she would ask me that question.

“Just that, J, what if I had green eyes.  Like Lance’s,” she shakes her head and stares at me.

“Brit, I think you would be beautiful no matter what color your eyes were.”

I return my gaze back to my notebook and start to reread the lyrics I have already wrote before her sweet voice interrupts my thoughts again.

“What if I was taller than you?”

Again, I look up at her confused. 

What kind of game is she trying to play?

“Brit, I don’t care how tall you are.  I’d just have to get me some platforms,” I laugh as Britney continues to look at me, no emotion showing on her face. 

I continue to look at her for a few seconds longer as she stares at me, her eyes telling me that she is deep in thought.  When she doesn’t say anything, I return to my previous task.

“What if I looked like that?” she says and I look up to see that she is pointing to the television where Being John Malkovich is playing and Cameron Diaz’ freaky character is on the screen.

I shake my head and laugh as I look back at Britney, but she still doesn’t crack a smile.

“I love you for what’s inside, Brit, so if you looked like that, it wouldn’t matter.  You have a beautiful heart and no matter what package that heart came in, it’d still be beautiful.”

She seems content with my answer, but I can tell that this isn’t the end of her questions, so I opt to not return to my notebook.  I instead turn around in my chair and fold my arms in front of me as I look at her.

She’s quiet for a few seconds as she plays with her fingernails, her eyes avoiding mine.  She seems a bit nervous.  And anxious though I’m not sure why.

Finally, she raises her eyes to mine and I await her next question.

“What if Veronica had never cheated on you?” she asks softly as she returns her gaze back to her fingernails.

I take a deep breath and move my body forward, my elbows now resting on my knees as I hold my hands together in front of me.

“Britney, what Veronica and I had was not love.  It would have never lasted whether she cheated on me or not,” I reply honestly as I think back to my previous relationship, “What Veronica and I had does not even compare to what you and I have.”

She nods her head slightly, but her face still shows signs of confusion.

She sighs slightly and turns to face me.

“What if I had never been on the Mickey Mouse Club.”

I smile slightly as I think back at our days on MMC.  You know, to this day, she’s the main thing I remember about the show.  I don’t remember much about anything else or anybody else, excluding JC, from our MMC days.

“Brit, I would have found you anyway,” I say seriously.  I open my mouth to continue, but she stops me.

“But what if you didn’t find me?” she says, her eyes now full of sadness.

My heart aches as I think of what my life would be like if that were the case. 

“Then I wouldn’t know what true love is,” I reply softly as I look deeply into her eyes.

I stand up and walk slowly over to her, lowering myself onto my knees in front of her.  I take her hands in mine as I continue to look at her.

“Brit . . . . . . we are soulmates and there are no what if’s that would ever change that.  We could sit here all night and ask these questions, but the truth is that fate brought us together and it doesn’t matter if something would have gone differently in either of our lives, I am confident that we would have still found each other.  Because you see this,” I say as I move my hand from my heart to hers, “our hearts are connected and no matter what situation fate would have put us in, our hearts would have led us to each other.”

And finally, the smile that I love so very much comes through.  I rest my head on hers and smile at her. 

“So, now it’s my turn,” I say as I pull back and look deeply into her big brown eyes.

I’m quiet for a few seconds as I contemplate what I’m about to say.  Words that I’ve wanted to say to her for a very long time.

“What if I asked you to be my wife,” I say softly.

I see her gasp slightly and her eyes grow wide from surprise.  Slowly, a smile spreads across her face.

“What if I said just ask me and you’ll find out,” she says as she smiles at me mischievously.

She’s gonna make me work for this one.

“Ok,” I say as I raise one of my legs off of the floor and place it so that I’m now only sitting on one knee.  I reach into my pocket and pull out a small rubber band that I had stuck in there earlier.

“Britney Jean Spears,” I say as I slowly begin to put the rubber band on her finger, “You are my soulmate and I love you with all of my heart.  I can’t imagine my life without you in it.  You are the sun shining on my face in the daytime and the stars sparkling above me while I sleep.  You are everything that I’ve ever wanted and more.”

I begin to tie the rubber band around her finger as I turn my gaze to her face and see tears glistening in her eyes. 

“Would you please make me the happiest man on earth by becoming my wife.”

I look deeply into her eyes as the tears start to fall down both of our faces.

“Britney, will you marry me?”

“Yes, Justin, I would be honored to be your wife,” she says as she wraps her arms around my neck.

I rock her back and forth in my arms as we revel in the moment we are sharing.

Slowly, she pulls away and wipes the tears from her face as she smiles brightly.

“But . . . . . what if I asked for a real ring?”