Wedding Day Blues
SS by Chris

Part 1

Justin’s POV

I wake up with the sweats.  I roll over and look at the clock.  It reads 4:30.

“Christ it can’t possibly be that early,” I say tossing the covers off and going to look outside.

“Even the damn sun isn’t up yet,” I say turning back towards the bed.

I lay back down, but as soon as I close my eyes, all the images and memories come rushing back to the surface. 

I lay, tossing and turning, for about the next half hour, before I finally get up. 

I’m feeling a little better after a nice hot shower, and a cup of coffee. 

I’m about to turn the TV on, when something I see something out the front window.

It was the newspaper.

‘Man, he is up early for a Saturday,” I thought as I walked back into the house.

I turn the light on next to the couch and sit down to start to read the paper, but the front-page headline makes me want to hurl.

            BRITNEY TIES THE KNOT TODAY!

I had almost pushed the thoughts of her to the back of mind, but now they all come rushing back to the forefront.

I have dreaded this day since it was announced six months ago, and I have agonized over whether or not I should even be here since I got the invitation three months ago.

“I really don’t want to go mama,” I said trying to find a good reason that I wouldn’t have to go.

“You should still go, whether you want to or not Justin.  She is still your friend.  She would be at your wedding.”

“That is beside the point mama.  I’m not the one getting married,” I say trying to get her to agree with me, but it isn’t working.

She just stares at me with her look that will make me do almost anything.

“But she is, and she has asked that you attend. And no matter what you feel towards her, you should be there as her friend.  You’ve known her since you were twelve, you should be there,”

“Alright mama, I’ll go but I’m taking you with me,”

“I was hoping you would ask me to go with you,” she said as she sat down next to me.

I just sit there and lean my head on her shoulder.

“I’ll get you through this Justin,” she says with the tone only a mother would know.

Ever since I told mama that I would go, I have tried to think of any way possible that I could do to get out of going.

Now the day has finally arrived.

And here I am sitting in my Los Angeles house, trying not to get up and run as far as I possibly can.  Right now, I would seriously consider giving up millions of dollars to be anywhere but here. 

I cannot seem to figure out how everything ended up all screwed up like this.  I don’t know what went wrong.  There isn’t a day that I don’t ask myself that question.  I ask myself everyday, but still I haven’t figured out an answer.  All I know that this isn’t how it was supposed to be.  With me sitting here waiting to watch her get married to some second rate dancer, who is probably only marrying her for her money. 

Nonetheless, here I am.  Sitting in my chair watching the sunrise, waiting for the time to come when she says ‘I do’ to someone other than me. 

“Britney, come here and look at this,” I say from the balcony.

When she doesn’t answer, I go to the bed and lye next to her. 

“God you’re so beautiful,” I whisper while lying next to her just watching her.

“If I’m so beautiful what are you doing looking out the window at 5:30 in the morning,” she whispers back.

“Oh so you are awake,” I say pulling her to me and kissing her good morning.

“What you think that I don’t know when you get up and leave bed?  I’ve been awake since you crawled out of bed almost a half hour ago.  Where have you been?” she said looking at me with beautiful brown eyes that would usually get me to do anything that they asked.

“Looking at this,” I say pulling her off the bed and towards the balcony.

“Justin, I’m not wearing any clothes,” she said trying to pull away from me.

“You’re wearing my pajama top and that is more than enough to see this,” I say pulling her anyway.

When I open the doors to the balcony, she gasps.

“Oh Justin, its beautiful,” she says looking at the sunrise gleaming off the ocean.

“This is what I was looking at,” I say never taking my eyes off her.

“But you’re still more beautiful than that,” I say causing her to turn her head and look at me.

“Oh you’re good,” she said before she leaned up to kiss me.

“I try hard,” I say leaning down to meet her lips. 

“Justin.  Justin.  Justin, wake up sweetie,” Mama says while smiling down at me.

“Huh,” I say groggily.

“You feel asleep in the chair sweetie.”

“I was watching the sunrise.  What time is it?”

“It’s almost 9.  Aren’t you supposed to have breakfast at 10 with Trace,”

“Yeah, I am,”

“Well, you better get moving if you plan on making it on time,” she says before picking up the newspaper that I’ve already strewn across the table. 

At breakfast, Trace did everything possible to try to get me to cheer up, but that is done right impossible today.  I just don’t feel like being happy, or chipper.  I want to feel miserable.

Who could blame me?  The woman that I was supposed to marry is getting married today and it isn’t to me.  I think that gives me the right to be miserable.

It was about noon, after I got home from breakfast.  The ceremony wasn’t supposed to begin until four, but everybody was supposed to arrive by three to keep the press problem to a minimum.

I walk in the house and Mama has been busy doing something for Britney. 

She was so close to her.  Our breakup was just as hard on her as it was on us.  She lost someone who was like a daughter to her.  And she has never complained to me about it.  She has never said anything to me about our breakup.  All she has done is support me.  And for that I could never repay her. 

“How far do you think I could get in three hours?” I say making my presence known.

“OH Justin stop.  You and I both know that you are going to this wedding.  You may not enjoy it.  You may be miserable through the whole thing, but you are going because Britney ask you too,” she said never taking her eyes off whatever it is that she is doing.

“What are you doing?” I say walking closer to her.

“Oh it just something that I was going to give her a long time ago.  I wanted to make some minor changes to it.”

“Mama, that is your old necklace,”

“Yeah, I have been going to give it to her on her wedding day.  And I’m not going to not give it to her.  I was polishing it up and changing a section of it,” she said holding it away from her so she could have a better look at it.

“What does the charm say on the bottom,” I say looking at something lying on the desk.

“It says BJS,” she says lying it in a box and wrapping it.

I pick up a letter that is lying on the desk.  As I’m reading it.  I can feel the emotion that is buried within me start to push it’s way forward.

            Dear Britney,

I wanted you to have this necklace of mine.  It was given to me when I got married by my Father.  And now I want you to have it.  You are not my daughter, but I love you as if you were my own.  I want you to know that I’m always here for you if you ever need me.  I’m so proud of you sweetie.  You keep living your dreams and you’ll keep making me even prouder.  I love you Britney.

Always,

Lynn

After I regain control of my emotions, I see something shinny lying on the desk.

“Mama, what’s this?” I ask picking up the larger charm that was sitting on the desk under the letter.

“Oh its what was on there,” she said trying to take it away from me.

I feel the tears running towards my eyes, and I can’t control them anymore as I read what this charm says.

            BJS & JRT

                1-1-02

That was supposed to be our date.  That was the date that we had picked and planned for.  It was supposed to be the day that I stood up there and ask her to be with me forever.

“I’ll be downstairs in the studio for a while,” I say laying the charm back down and leaving.

“Justin, wait.” I never turn around.  I just keep walking down the stairs.

That was supposed to be what my mother gave her on the day that we were supposed to get married.  Instead, she will still get it on the day that she marries someone else.

I barely close the door before the tears are too much to control.  I just let them roll down my face. 

I sit in the chair just crying to my hearts content for about fifteen minutes, before going to the piano and trying to drown away my sorrows through music.

It must have worked, cause Mama came down at 1:30 to tell me the limo would be here around 2:15 to take us to the chapel.  Which meant that it was time to get ready.

“I’m not ready for this,” I mumble to myself as I climb the stairs to get ready for the worst hours of my life.

As the clock hits 2:10, I start feeling the sudden urge to hurl.  I barely make it to the bathroom, before breakfast hits the floor. 

“Man, this isn’t a good sign,” I say to myself while still lying on the cold bathroom floor.

“Justin, the limo’s here,” Mama said entering my room.

“Justin what’s the matter?” she says when she see me lying next to the toilet.

“Oh just some last minutes reasons why I shouldn’t go today?” I said with some hope that she might let me not go.

“Oh honey, you know that if you don’t go that you’ll regret it for the rest of your life,” she said pulling my arm to get me off the floor.

“Mama, you have no idea, how much I would rather be anywhere else on this earth than go to this wedding.”

“Justin, you’re right.  I don’t know how much you would rather be somewhere else.  But I do know that the son that I raised would not turn his back on someone that he once called his best friend.  She has asked that you be there to watch her take the next step in her life.  The least that you could do was be there to watch her take it.”

“But she was supposed to be taking that next step with me by her side, not some backup dancer.”

I can feel the anger racing through me.  I can just feel it starting to boil. 

“Justin, you have got to let go.  She did when you asked her too, and it took her almost three years to finally get her life straight again.  You can’t blame her because every woman that you date isn’t what she was.  You can’t blame her for finding someone who she wants to spend the rest of her life with.  You can’t blame her that you’re not the one who is going to be standing next to her taking that step with her.  That blame doesn’t lay with just her. You’re just as much to blame for you not standing next to her as she is.  So do this one thing that will hopefully help both of you to remember that you were friends before lovers,”

All of that anger that was just surging forwards is instantly squashed.

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