Those Eyes
SS by Shannon

Part One 

Britney's POV

I stare at the picture in front of me and study the girl in it...Jenna. Jenna, the dancer. Jenna, who was just a friend to him...and me. Right? I wonder how long something was going on between them...Justin, my J and her. The picture is of the two of them at some club, just sitting there...he looks off some where else. I wonder if he was thinking of me, of what he was doing to me. I wonder if he was wondering where I was, if I was enjoying myself at some random club, with some random guy. Then I turn the page to see another picture...J and her dancing at the Grammies. I think back to that night, we were standing in the very room I was in right now...

*Grammy Night*

We were in our bedroom in LA, getting ready for the night ahead of us.

"Baby, why don't you wear the cross necklaces instead of your turquoise ones? They don't really go with the outfit."

"Anything else, fashion plate?," Justin said, with only a hint of sarcasm.

"No, Justin," I replied. It had been like this for a few days now, we were snapping at each other constantly.

"Actually, I think your right. Do you know where the crosses are, baby?"

"On the dresser. I have to go get my dress on...Are you going to be here for awhile?," I asked him. He was going to walk the red carpet with the guys, I understood since they were nominated. I was presenting first, so there was really no use for me to walk down the carpet.

"I'll be here," he said, we stared at each for a moment and I left the room.

After I was in my dress and my makeup was touched up, I walked back into our bedroom and found Justin looking at a framed picture of us from the Grammies two years before. The picture showed me in my white dress for my first Grammy's and Justin in his suit, his head a mess of curls...I was sitting in a makeup chair and he had his arms around my shoulders and his head was on top of mine. We were beaming, I remember being so happy that night. I walked up behind him and slipped my arms around his waist.

"Hey," I say quietly, not wanting to interrupt what ever he was thinking about.

"Hey back. Let me get a look at you," he says, he turns around and a smile---his smile---takes over his face. "Damn girl, you've done it again. You look incredible, Brit. Incredible." He takes my hand in to his and brings it to his lips, kissing it softly.

"Thank you. You look pretty incredible yourself," I placed a gentle kiss on his lips and he touches my face with both of his hands. I looked into his eyes and saw something I wasn't used to seeing in those eyes...they looked almost sad, confused and tired. I felt bad instantly, he had been working so hard getting ready for the tour and recording for his album...I shouldn't of been angry with him for being snappy, he was tired...out of anyone I should of understood that.

"I was just looking at this picture of us," he said, picking up the frame to show me," remember how happy we were?"

"Yeah, I do," I replied, touching the image.

"We're happy now, right?," Justin asked me, those eyes begging me for an answer.

"Of course we are Justin," I replied, surprised by his question.

"We look so young," he said, looking at the picture.

"J, it was only two years ago. We are still "so" young," I laughed.

"No, I know. It's just..."

"It's just what, J?"

"I was just thinking how everything was so new back then. And how we had to hide our relationship, it was just our thing. No one really knew. No one knew how much I loved you," Justin said, never taking his eyes off that picture.

"Justin, is everything..." I began, interrupted by an all too familiar sound.

"JUSTIN! LET'S GO! EVERYONE IS ALREADY IN THE CAR! SHAKE A LEG BOY!," Lonnie yelled up from downstairs.

"ALRIGHT!," Justin yelled back, "Ok, I better get out of here...I'll see you there, ok?" He kissed me and started out of the room.

"Justin, I love you," I told him before he opened the door.

"Love you too," he said, not turning to look at me. He always looked at me when he told me he loved me, always. But not tonight. Tonight was different. Very different.

*end flashback*

And now here I was, sitting in our bed, with his pillow in my lap and a tabloid with his pictures splattered all over them laying on top of it. I keep on going back to that night, to those eyes. we had been happy, at least I thought so. We were spending most of our time together...we were in love...stealing kisses, holding hands, just enjoying each other. We could stay in bed for a day...turning each other on by a sudden move or a look. We would talk about everything...our past, our present, our future. I loved to hear him tell me about how he fell in love with me...he would tell me the littlest things he remembered, the way my hair looked on a certain day or the way I smiled at him and how it made him feel. We would talk about what we needed to get at the store or what the house needed...the things most couples talk about. He loved to talk about how he would surprise me when he proposed or what our babies would look like...he wanted them to have my eyes and his hair....I wanted just the opposite..but then we would agree that they would be perfect no matter what, a little of each of us.

But that was gone now. Those little talks, those amazing kisses, those nights of passion, those eyes...that future. I didn't know what to do without him, not really. I would meet the press, with a smile that wasn't really mine. I would go out and party with my friends, with a happiness that wasn't real. He was my happiness and he was gone. He was with Jenna, I supposed. Or at a strip club or getting drunk off his ass. I hated that he went to the clubs and acted like an idiot and he knew it. I guess Jenna didn't mind, he was free to whatever he wanted to do now. I wondered if he was happy. I wondered if he was lost, if he knew what to do. I couldn't figure it out. As soon as I was alone for a few minutes and realize he wasn't there or that I couldn't just call him and talk to him...my heart would just break all over again.

***Grammy Night---At The Show***

I wanted the name inside that envelope to be *NSYNC...I wanted it so bad, not just for J, for all them. When I saw U2, my heart dropped. I looked out to him, he was looking down and clapping. I was sure it would say their name, I thought that's why they asked me to present. I was wrong. After U2 accepted, I was hurried backstage to get some pictures. By the time I got back to our seats, Justin was gone. They had already gone backstage. I sat down next to Lynn.

"Hello beautiful," Lynn said, kissing my cheek.

"Hey. I must of just missed them, huh?," I asked.

"Yeap. Justin said he wanted to make sure they got a chance to go over a few things with the dancers, you know him always worried about the performance, " she said.

"I definitely know. I just wished I could of wished him good luck. Did he seem ok?"

"Brit, is something wrong? You sound worried."

"Oh, nope nothing is wrong. I just worry about him."

"Well, you worry because you love him, sweet heart. It's a beautiful thing."

I was worried though, I didn't like how he had left our room. How he hadn't looked at me when he said he loved me. I wanted to tell Lynn, but there was so many people around and it was probably nothing anyway. The show started again and I tried to focus my mind off of whatever had happened...but then their performance began.

I didn't know he was dancing with Jenna. Why hadn't he told me? I mean, she was a friend of both of ours. I waited for him to make eye contact with me, he always did. But he was looking at her. Right at her. Why was I thinking like this? Justin would never do anything like that to me...cheat on me, it hurt me just to think it. I shouldn't even of been thinking it. I kept on watching, easing up a little. I figured he would look at me when it was over, give me a look that melted me and I would be fine...we would be fine. But he didn't, not once. When it was over, he looked at her and winked...with those eyes.

I sat there, clapping and hoping my face wasn't on camera because I worried what I looked like. I was pissed. Why hadn't he looked at me? Why did he wink at her? As the thoughts were rushing through my head, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I glanced over and saw Lynn looking at me like I was crazy.

"Honey, are you ok?," she asked.

"I'm fine," I said.

"Brit, I'm sure it was nothing," she said, lowering her voice.

"You saw it? It wasn't just me? Lynn, he always sings to me...at the very least, looks at me," I said, losing my cool.

"Shh, just lower your voice. It's fine, you two are just spoiled with each other. I'm sure it was just his nerves, he's been stressed with everything that's coming up," she went on.

Something was wrong, I could feel it. Then I saw Johnny walking over to us and I tried to pull myself together.

"Ladies, the guys have decided to get out of here. So, why don't we all had backstage and meet up with them," Johnny told the guys' moms. They all began to gather their things, talking amongst each other. I stood up and stepped out into the aisle, my head was spinning....I just wanted to see J. I felt Johnny pat my back and I looked at him. He pulled me in for a little hug.

"Everything ok, kiddo?," he asked, in his "dad" voice.

"Yeap it's fine," I said, as we started to walk out of the arena.

By the time we got backstage, Rob and Fe had caught up with us and had my things. They both took one look at me and knew something was up. Fe whispered something to Rob and came over to meet me.

"Sweetie, are you feeling ok? You look at little frazzled," Fe said, feeling my forehead.

"Felicia, I don't have a fever. I just need to see Justin," I replied and she just smiled at me.

"Ok, well let's go find him."

We walked down a corridor to where the dressing rooms were and the guys were all greeting their moms...but not Justin. I turned to JC...

"Jayce, do you know where Justin is?"

"In his room I guess. You ok, Brit?," he asked. I didn't even answer this time. I just walked to the last door and opened it.

"Justin?," I said, as I opened the door.

And there he was. On the couch...with her, with Jenna. They were sitting and laughing. He took one look at me and knew that I was mad. He didn't even have to ask me if something was wrong...he knew. He got up as soon as I came in and walked over to me.

"Baby, hey! You don't mind if we get out of here do you?," he asked as he pulled me into his arms. I backed away and looked at her, ignoring him.

"Hello Jenna. I didn't know you were dancing with the guys tonight," I said, trying my best not to lose it.

"Oh, well you know it was just one of those things. I mean, Justin was telling me how busy he's been...I don't even know how you guys have time to talk," Jenna said, laughing and looking at Justin.

"We have plenty of time to talk. We make time, we always have and we always will," I replied. The way she was looking at him was killing me, I mean she was just smiling at him, staring at him. I wanted to claim him, make sure she knew he was mine.

"J," I said, turning back to Justin and pushing my body against his, "Let's get out of here, ok? Let's go home and skip the parties. I want to spend time with just us."

He looked down at me and smiled, pulling me closer to him. I looked up at him and licked my lips, knowing it drives him crazy. Sure enough, he leaned down kissed me on my lips, I pulled his head closer to mine and tilted my head. I didn't care if Jenna was right there watching, I wanted her to see. I wanted her to get that he was mine. We stood there, lost in the kiss for a minute or so. When we pulled away from the kiss, he kissed my mouth, then my nose and then my forehead.

"Sounds good to me, baby girl," he said, turning around to grab his bag.

Jenna didn't say anything, she just walked over towards the door. I looked at her, smiling the best smile I could.

"It was nice to see you again, Jenna," I said, holding onto Justin's hand.

"You too. J, call me about the video ok? Maybe we can get together soon and talk," she said, her head cocked to the side and smiling at him, not me, at him.

"Yep, that sounds fine," he told her, rubbing my lower back with our clasped hands.

Then she walked over to us and put her hands on her hips, her head still to the side.

"What, no hug hot stuff?," she said laughing, looking right at him.

"Oh, sorry...," he said, letting go of my hand and hugging her, "Well, ok. See ya soon Jenna."

With that she left the room. Leaving me overwhelmed with the emotion I despised the most...jealousy. I turned to look at Justin and he looked at me. He wanted me, right there and I knew it. He walked over to me, pulled me in to his arms and moved his lips to mine. We started to kiss and I quickly pulled away.

"We need to talk Justin," I said.

He looked at me and realized whatever had been wrong with me when I had entered the room was still in me.

"I know," he answered.

I looked to him, at those eyes, into those eyes and knew we had a lot to talk about, as the first piece of my heart started to break.

***end flashback***

I had gone over that night, those days leading up to it, so many times. It only made it worse. It didn't change the fact that he wasn't with me or that I missed him more then I've ever missed anything in my entire life. I just wanted to make everything that had happened go away, I didn't want those days to exist.

I lied down on our bed, throwing the magazine to the floor and closed my eyes. I just wanted to see him, to touch him, to feel him. Most of all I wanted to be able to look into those eyes.

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