Solitary
by Amanda
She wonders who the woman is before her. Her deep brown eyes seem so familiar to her but at the same time, they feel foreign. So she stares intently, hoping to discover some clue of her identity, some tiny hint of who she is. Deep in her heart, she knows this woman but at the moment, she struggles to find her.
She seems lost. This woman. Distant maybe. Her eyes are darkened. Scared. Confused. She wonders what had made her this way. People aren’t born like this, only made like this. A child’s eyes are always vibrant. She imagines that at some point, this woman’s eyes were vibrant too . . . . full of life. But now they seem dead.
She wants to know why. Has she had her heart broken by a lover? Or maybe it was she who broke a heart. Did she have a dream and lose it and in the process lose herself? Is she too concerned about everything around her to even realize that she’s lost herself? Does she even realize that he eyes have lost their sparkle? Their magic? Her mind races with scenarios as she stares at the woman only inches away from her. In the pit of her stomach, everything seems so familiar.
The woman’s eyes are pleading with her. A silent cry for help that is so obvious to her and she wonders why it’s not obvious to everyone else. Is there something about this woman that only she knows? Her mind is racing for answers that she cannot get. How can no one see the pain and confusion written all over her face? Or can everyone see it but chooses to ignore it? Is this woman worth so little to everyone that no one cares to take a chance? She feels sick at the thought.
She wants to help her. She wants to take her hand and tell her that everything will be alright. That she will help her find the woman that she is supposed to be. That she will believe in her dreams with her and help her learn to believe herself again. She wants to tell her that love does exist even when it seems like a distant memory. She wants to show her that she is still beautiful and wonderful even though at times, she doesn’t feel either. She knows that she would want someone to do this for her. That it only takes one person to save someone.
So with her hand shaking uncontrollably, she reaches out, but all she feels is air. She looks at the woman, urging her to take her hand so she can lead the way. Away from the scary world around her. But all she receives in return is the same distant brown eyes staring back at her.
She doesn’t give up, her heart aching with a pain she doesn’t know or understand. She takes a step forward and her hand hits against a cold, solid object. She tilts her head to the side and stares curiously at the woman before her. Her face is perplexed and she watches a lone tear slip from her eye, following its path down her cheek. It teeters on the edge of her chin and then falls.
She jumps back as she feels a tingle on her arm, for the first time, breaking her gaze from the woman. She looks down to see a small drop of water on her. Quickly, her eyes return to those brown depths and her heart begins to race. The woman is now crying uncontrollably, each drop falling onto her.
So she reaches out once more. This time moving slowly toward her and as her fingers touch her cold face, her body begins to weaken.
Her mind struggles to grasp reality as she searches for answers before her. But now there is no woman. There are no tears. The only thing before her is a mirror with her own reflection. Her own brown eyes. Her own tears.
Could it be that she is the woman before her? How could she possibly not recognize herself? When did everything around her change?
So she closes her eyes, forcing her warm tears down her cheeks and she turns around and allows her body to slide against the sink and onto the floor. She pulls her knees to her chest and rests her head on them. She has never felt so very tired, so incredibly weak. So completely alone. And afraid.
Her life is foreign to her.
So with a shaking hand, she grasps the tiny cross pendant around her neck.
And she prays that someone will save her.
She can only hope
that she’s worth that much to someone.