Self-Destruction
SS by Cay

The stage is set as a lone strand of light shining through the blinds slightly illuminates the picture being held in the shaking figure's hands. The shaking causes a glare to flicker back and forth upon the opposing wall. Ironically, the glare reflected by the dazzling smile of the picture. The smile that welcomed all. The smile that welcomed the person that broke the two of them. The smile that healed and now hurts. 

 

It's been 7 months and counting. 7 months since ties were broken and hopes shattered. Roughly 220 days since their last real meeting. A meeting that ended in tears on both sides hurt and pained. But time heals all wounds. The wound has been covered now. Covered with hate. 

 

The picture is tilted up, forcing the glare of the light up and all can see the figure of a young woman, tears streaking down her gentle and tear-stained face. She breathes quickly, desperately trying to pull back another batch of tears on the brink of spilling onto the picture frame. "Damn you Justin" she whispers. It’s our fucking anniversary and you don't even have the decency to call and see how I'm doing. Damn you." 

 

Oh it hurts so bad. 

It started out so perfect, something God could only create. 

I yearned enough for thinking you on this special day.  

 

Her right hand trembles visibly as it slowly moves up to her face, her wrist wiping tears from her view. One drop falls and slides around on top of the glass until merging with the other drops of one that have formed a pool. Her quiet sniffling interrupts the dead silence and darkness of the room. “I gave you my everything. Everything. And you gave me your all. Then you stole it all away. Now what do I have left? Nothing. Nothing except a bleeding heart and open wounds.” 

 

Never once did I take for granted that you've been hurt before. 

So you treated me like a lady and even more. 

So I can't understand why you brought storms into my life. 

Tell me why, you destroyed every part of me. 

Now what once a beautiful lady that you showered with your love must live with a heart that bleeds.  

 

Her fists clench the sides of the gold frame, gripping it so tight that indents will be there for a while to come. Tears splash freely on the wet glass, the pain in her heart swelling considerably. Her breaths become uneven as she struggles to maintain her composure and keep her temper down. “I hate you Timberlake. I hate you. You ruined everything. You were my fucking best friend. My partner. And you just didn’t care anymore. Well neither do I. So just die.” At the last word, the frame is flung to the edge of the bed, hanging off the side and ready to fall with any huge movement. 

 

I hope you never have to come this way again. You used to be my lover and my friend. So please don’t take offense when I say what I have to say. If you died I wouldn’t cry cause you never loved me any way. 

 

Her hands open and close, trying to ease the pain made by the frame. Even in the darkness, you know her hands are red. Red and maybe even bleeding. Bleeding like her heart. With one big sob, her body drops sideways onto the pillow. Closing her eyes, she tries desperately to block out the memories of the two of them that the bed brings back. The words and whispers that promised forever, the thoughts and feelings that flowed between them spiritually.  

 

Promises made and secrets told 

late nights spent in ecstasy, we made love in a bed of roses for the universe to see. There was no holding back from each other, both of our minds were free. We never wasted time apart, boy it seems like eternity.  

 

She flips onto her back, her arms spread out across the length of the bed. Opening herself to more memories, more pain and more heartache. Only she can keep herself from feeling it, but she doesn’t. It hurts even more to block it out. And she’ll never understand why. She can never take him back again. She knows that now.  

 

So I can’t understand why you brought this pain into my life…Oh tell me why…I gave you a reason to live and you used my love in vain, so go on by yourself to survive this alone, You know you can’t come back home. 

 

She lifts herself up slowly, propping her elbows up. Reaching in front of her, she crawls to the edge, grabbing the frame from the edge. Turning it so that he is facing her, she stares at the face that she used to be so familiar with. Knowing each part and crevice, each feature. “I’m not letting you back this time,” she says, the anger and sadness audibly. “No matter what happens you are not hurting me again. So just die. Just die.”  

 

I hope you never have to come this way again. You used to be my lover and my friend. You did, you did. So please don’t take offense when I say what I have to say. If you died I wouldn’t cry cause you never loved me anyway.  

 

 

I’m letting you go this time,” she whispers, bringing the picture closer to her face. I’m letting you go to be with all your other women and letting go to tell lies to someone else. No matter how much you meant to me it’s over. You hear me? It’s over.”  

 

How could this be, After all the love you said we shared you turned around and leave. Boy you know you were my heart and soul but I can’t be pretend I gotta let you go. Together forever that’s what we both said. I didn’t know that life could be so unfair  

 

Her hands fumble at the bottom of her shirt as she lays the frame on her lap. Tugging a tissue out of the box, she wipes the tears and clears the glass to make it visible again. It’s like a funeral. Before a person dies they make them perfect one last time. Clearing all marks of anger and disappointment from his picture, she wants him to die. But she wants a clean break. A clean picture before the last shattering.  

 

Baby you did this to me. 

You were my lover 

So please don’t take offense when I say what I have to say. 

I hope you die, I hope you die 

Cause you never loved me anyway. 

 

She deposits the tissues into the wastebasket by the bed, and runs her hand across the glass one last time. She manages a small smile at his smiling _expression. “You never loved me did you?” The corner of her lip curves up slightly. “You never did. So you can go to hell. And don’t come back.” 

 

I hope you never have to come this way again. You used to be my lover and my friend. You can get struck by lighting, washed away by the sea, burned in a fire just don’t bring it back to me. Cause you never loved me anyway. 

 

With one last breath, she gives a crooked smile at him. Breathing in one last time, she hurls the picture frame against the opposing wall. She has broken the picture frame into a million pieces. She has broken the delicate glass that protected the two of them. She’s broken him. But worse of all, she’s destroyed herself.