Realization
SS by Amanda

My heart is somber as I walk into my Sydney hotel room with Fe at my side.  I’ve been like a walking zombie since I arrived here on Tuesday and heard the news of the attacks on my homeland.  On my American brothers and sisters.

“Larry said that you need to be sure to check your e-mail before you go to bed.  Maybe your mom or Jamie Lynn sent you something.”

“Ok,” I say softly as I walk over to the laptop on the table and turn it on.

When I log on, my eyes are instantly drawn to a familiar e-mail address, with the subject line, Realization.

I open the document and begin to read.

Pinky,

I woke up this morning worrying incessantly about the song that I was working on at the studio, my mind thinking of nothing but what I was going to do to with it.  But as I was getting ready to go leave, I saw the tragedies happening in New York and DC.  Tragedies that made whatever was going on in the studio miniscule.  I sat there, glued to the television, my heart aching as I watched people’s lives being torn apart ad there was nothing I could do to stop it.  But in the devastation of the moment, something struck me.  As I listened to the thousands of stories of people who we’re searching for their loved ones and how they wanted them to know how much they loved them, I realized how things can change in the blink of an eye and how important it is to constantly remind those around you of your feelings toward them.  So, I sit here, fighting the tears in my eyes, wanting nothing more than to hold you in my arms right now and tell you just what you mean to me, but I can’t, because you’re in Australia.  So instead, I decided to send you this e-mail.  From my heart to yours, this is how I feel. 

Pinky, you are the most important person in my life.  You are my joy, my sunshine, my life.  From the minute I met you, I knew that you were special.  I realize now that God gave me a gift, an angel to walk with me through this life and I thank him every day for it.  You are that angel.  You are my blessing.

You are the only person that I want to comfort me when I am sad, you are the only person I want to care for me when I am sick and you are the only person I want to love me when I need to be loved.  I never knew that love like this existed until you.  I have so much love in my heart for you that sometimes I think it’s going to burst, but then I only grow to love you more.  It’s a phenomenon that I’ve yet to figure out, how you can love someone so much but then the next day, you love them even more.

Pinky, when you are with me, I feel complete, my heart, soul and body filled with joy.  And when you are away, as you are now, I feel as if part of me is missing, part of my heart and soul is gone.  But even at the times when we are not together physically, I can still feel you.  I feel your love engulfing me everywhere I am.  I see your face in the clouds, I smell your scent in the air, I feel your heart inside mine.  You are never too far away, I only have to look inside my heart to find you.

I just want you to know how much that I love you.  As I watched the horror of today, I must admit that I was selfishly thanking god that I was not subjected to the pain that they were going through losing someone they love because I could not live without you.  I have told you before, but I will tell you again, I can’t breathe without you and I hope that I never have to try.  

I can only hope that as you are reading this letter, that you know that I am with you and that you can feel the strength of my love.  Let me be the light that guides you home safely.

I love you Britney Jean Spears.  Always.

Love,

Justin

Tears are flowing freely down my face as I finishing reading the message.  I immediately reach for the phone, not caring what time it was in the U.S.

“Hello,” a groggy Justin says as he answers the phone.

“I feel it,” I say through my tears.

“Feel what Brit?” he asks.

“I feel the strength of your love.”

I can feel his smile through the phone as I continue to wipe away tears.