"Mama I just feel like I am to blame for some of this."

"Honey you had nothing to do…"

"Mama, if Brit had not been out with me at the club then the whole rumor of her and J splitting never would have gotten started in the first place," Bryan said as he sat in the kitchen of his parents' home. "And look what happened, it got to be too much," he said as he put his head in his hands. "She was planning her wedding that night mama," he said quietly.

"She was?"

"Yeah, they were going to tell you and daddy over the Easter Holiday. Justin had made plans to fly down for the day, she was so excited about it," he said. "Now look at her."

"Bry she seems fine," her mother said not even believing her own words, sure Britney looked fine on the outside but she knew on the inside she was dying.

"Where is she mama?"

"I don't know she said she had to go out," Lynne said as she lowered her head.

"Has she been home except for today? No she's been in Miami, have you heard from her, no. She's cutting everyone out of her life because she is hurting and she doesn't want anyone to see it."

Britney walked through the damn grass. The last time she had been there he had been holding her hand, holding her up. Now she was on her own. She found the secluded bench under the trees and sat. She didn't say anything for the longest time, she just let the tears that she had been holding back flow. The tears from her family, her friends and most of all from the media. She would never let them know that they finally won.

It was starting to get late but Britney still sit. It was the first time she was at peace in day, weeks.

"Wow, mama or daddy need to see about getting someone to come and pull these weeds," she said as she walked to the tombstone and started pulling the weeds up. "This is ridiculous," she said getting angry as she stoop up too quickly losing her balance and tripping on something small on the ground.

No, not that. That was the last thing she needed to see.

"No, No, No," was all she said as she threw her body on the small marker next to her grandmother's grave. Her mind drifted back to that day. The whole family was together in Destin, it had been a wonderful vacation. Just what everyone needed to get their minds off the tragedies that had just plagued the nation.

Justin and Britney had just announced their engagement to their families and things could not have been better. Britney had come home for a few days before her tour rehearsals started. She had been at an interview when the first pains hit, but she ignored them. It wasn't until that night when she woke up in a hostpital bed and Justin sitting next to her in tears that she knew something was night right.

"J," was all she was able to get out before her engulfed her in his arms. "My baby," she said as tears began to fall from her eyes. They had found out right before the VMA's that Britney was expecting. He always teased her that it was really a Celebrity baby because it was probably conceived the night of the release party.

"Brit, honey....I figured I would find you here," her mother said.

When Britney turned around for the first time Lynne saw the hallow look in her daughters eyes. The eyes that had radiated so much laughter and love just months before were not glossy and hallow.

"Honey lets go…your sister's party is starting," she said as she held her hand out for her daughter.

"Thanks mama," she said as she took her mother's hand and let her help her up. She turned around one last time to see the tiny marker with the name "Randi Timberlake October 2001, loved dearly by your mother and father".

"Come on baby, everything is going to be fine."

"Is it mama, will it ever be again?" she asked.

Back at the house a package had just been delivered for J-Lynn.

"Maybe you should wait and open it," her father said when he noticed who it was from. "Until Britney gets back."

"No, she doesn't care," she said with the angst of a typical teenager.

"Jamie Lynn," her father said sternly, "you know that's not true."

"I know, I know. Its just a rough patch," she said mumbling to herself.

"That's right, and you need to be patient with your sister right now she's going through a lot."

"That's easy, she hasn't spoken to me since she got home," she said as a tear formed in her eye.

"Just give her sometime sweetie."

"Ok, but if they aren't back in ten minutes I'm going to open it. It's getting late and I want to call and thank J for the gift before the show tonight," she said as she walked off.

"Ok, fine," her father said looking out the window for his wife.

"You ok dad?" Bryan asked.

"No son, I'm not," he replied as he turned to him. "I'm not. I'm worried about my babies…all of them. You included."

"Dad, I'm fine," Bryan said.

"Have you talked to your sister since she's been home?"

"No, she's been busy."

"Yeah, what she have in that room of hers that's keeping her so busy? Did Justin get here and no one told me?" he said sarcastically.

"Dad."

"Bryan, I'm not blind, deaf or dumb. I know your sister is not a little girl anymore. Hasn't been in a long time," he said as he thought back on watching her lie in the hospital bed clutching Justin's hand as if she would never let it go as tears fell from both of their eyes. That's the day, the minute he realized that his little girl was all grown up. "She's in more pain than she's letting on. Not only is she alone, but its the worst possible time to be alone."

"Dad what are you talking about?"

"The baby was due last week," he said as he sat heavily on the sofa.

"What baby?"

"Britney and Justin's," he said as he looked over at his son who had lost all the color out of his face.

"What?"

"It happened right after we got back from Destin. They were in Miami at the time. Brit had been on that major press junket. She was really pushing herself more than she should have."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"It was sudden, it all happened do fast."

"Don't you think I still would have wanted to know?"

"I know that, but your sister didn't want you to worry. You know Brit she always thinks about everyone else first."

"That's why she pushed everything back. Told Johnny and Larry she had the flu."

"My God."

"I know, I think she could have made it thought the next few weeks if all this wouldn't have come up."

"Now she has to go through this alone," Bryan said understanding for the first time.

"No one knows, your sister doesn't know. They hadn't told anyone but your mom and I and Justin's parents. So we were the only ones to know about…"

"Dad, there ten minutes is up I'm going to open my gift now," Jamie Lynn said coming into the room looking at both her father and brother. "What?"

"Nothing honey, go ahead," her dad said. It was already too late she had already torn the paper off of it and was opening the small black box. "What is it?" her dad asked.

She turned to him with tears in her eyes as she held up the delicate band.

"There's a card, let me read it for you," Bryan said as he picked up the card.

"To my 'Sis',
On her birthday far away:
Maybe life will separate us,
Yet we'll always be best friends.
So may love, until life ends,
In joy or sorrow not forsake us,
Sunshine on the darkest day.
Though there's a frequency I miss,
Each breath of peace that fortune sends
Recalls a bond time can't betray

Jamie Lynn I am so sorry I cannot be with you today but know in my heart that I am with you.

Love J"

"Why don't you go call him honey?" her dad said.

Just then two things happened at once, the phone rung and Britney and Lynne walked in.

"I'll get it you, go ahead on in," Lynne said to her eldest daughter. "Hello?"

"Mama Lynne," Justin said not knowing how he would be accepted.

"Justin," she said quietly.

"I just called to wish Jamie Lynn a happy birthday....and...."

"And what Justin?"

"And to check on Brit," he said.

"How do you think she is?"

"About like I am," he said.

"Nothing seems to be bothering you lately, you are seeming to be having a good time."

"That's not true, I'm hurting Lynne and it's killing me that Brit is keeping me away for such a stupid reason as she is. I woke Monday in tears, thinking about our baby. That was her due date. We would have had our baby. But now we aren't even together. I'm dying, but no one seems to be able to see that so I smile and I go on," he said and took a deep breath. "Now can I please speak to Jamie Lynn?"

"Sure."

Lynne put the phone down and walked into the living room.

"Jamie Lynn telephone," she said to her daughter. "Its Justin, he wants to wish you a happy birthday," she said as she watched Britney flinch and the tears slowly fall down her face.

"Um, ok," she said as she looked at Britney. "Brit?"

"Go on, the show's going to be starting soon. Don't want him to be late…you know the stage people hate that, and you know how long it takes him to get ready."

Jamie Lynn ran to the phone. "Hello?"

"Happy Birthday little bits," Justin said trying to sound happy. "How's your day going so far?"

"It's good, I really like my gift. Thank you."

"When I saw it, I thought of you. It's like Brit's but it's different too. Just like you two," he said the sadness coming back into his voice.

"Jamie Lynn," she heard from behind her. "Do you mind?" Britney asked.

"No, not at all," she said smiling for the first time that day as she handed her sister the phone.

God what am I doing? I should let him make the first move. But he had, in a way, with the gift and the card.

"Jamie Lynn, you there....I have to get going squirt," he said into the phone.

"No Justin, it's me."

"Brit?"

"Yeah.....um. I just wanted to thank you for the gift."

But he only laughed. God how she had missed hearing his laugh.

"It wasn't for you," he said.

"I know, it still meant a lot. Look I better let you go," she said.

"Baby, I miss you," he said.

"Do you really? I mean do you have time to miss me?" she said getting angry. She had never believed all the gossip and rumors before…why was she starting now? "From what I'm hearing you are with a different woman every night," she said as the tears fell from her eyes.

"Brit this was your idea! You were the one who wanted a break, to think…"

"Justin, I meant a week. Not…" she said and stopped. "I better let you go, I'm sure the guys are waiting for you."

"No as a matter of fact, we're waiting for Chris…he's with Dani."

"Dani?" she asked.

"Yeah Busta died today, she flew right down."

"That was sweet of her," she said she didn't think she could be as understanding as Dani was. No she knew she wasn't.

"Yeah it was...Brit. I need to see you," Justin said rushing the words out.

"Can you fit me in?"

"BRITNEY!"

"I'm sorry. I know it was all my idea, I know but it's…"

"It's what Brit? It's killing you?"

"Yes," she said weakly.

"And to make matters worse this week was supposed to be…"

"You remembered?" she said surprised.

"Yeah baby, I did. I woke up Monday morning crying and all I wanted to do was to hold you but you weren't here. I know a lot has happened, but God Brit, I need you," he said.

Just then Joey came into the room.

"J, it's time to go man," he said. "They need you in wardrobe."

"I know…I heard you have to go," she said.

"Will you Brit? Chicago is your favorite city," he said hoping to convince her.

"We'll see," was all she said.

"That's better than a flat out no. Can I call you later or will that be too late?"

"No that's fine."

"Britney?"

"Yes?"

"I love you," he said as he hung up the phone.

"I love you too, J," she said as she stood in the foyer of her parents home.

"Honey you ok?" Lynne asked from behind her.

"He wants me to come see him."

"Are you going?"

"I want to."

"What's stopping you then?"

But Britney only walked away from her mother. She ended up on the porch swing where Lynne followed her out.

"Beautiful weather," Britney said trying to change the subject.

"Britney Jean stop being evasive and talk to me. What's stopping you from going to see J? Did something else happen that you are not telling me?"

"Mama, have you ever loved someone so much that you do anything not to stand in their way?"

"Oh my God, Britney is that what you're doing? But why? Honey he wouldn't want that!"

"I know he wouldn't…that's why I'm not telling him."

"And honey what makes you think that?"

"The Clive Davis party," she said as she wrapped her arms around her legs.

"That stupid interview. Mama, Lynn was so upset, I thought she was going to go through the roof. And I think if I wouldn't have had my hand on Justin's leg he would have jumped him," she said as she laughed at the. "Chris and Joey did."

"Did someone say something?"

"No."

"So why?"

"Because I love him," she said. "And I am so damn proud of him. He's at the place in his life where he always dreamed of being," she said as silent tears flowed down her face. "It's going to be hard enough when he is out there on his own. He doesn't need me as extra baggage."

"You know, I don't think that's what Justin thinks. As a matter of fact when he called I got the chance to talk to him. Baby I have known that boy since he was 12 years old. I can read him like I can your brother and sister. He's hurting baby. Like he has never before. Just like you are."

"But mama…"

"But mama nothing, when you found out you were pregnant. You told him. Why?"

"That's not fair to bring that up," Britney said.

"It is and answer my question."

"Because he had a right to know. He was going to be a father. We had to make decisions about the baby."

"Well doesn't he have the right to know about this too? You just take all the decision making out of his hands."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"You don't need me to answer that. What does your heart tell you to do?"

"Go to him."

"Then do so," Lynne said as she smiled at her daughter.

"Thank you mama," she said as she hugged her mother and ran into the house. She was packed and on her way to the airport within the hour. Britney had called and left a voicemail for Justin that she was on her way. She only hoped that she was doing the right thing.

When she got to the airport Mike was waiting for her.

"Here put this on," he said as he handed her a black oversized coat. "Just like old times, remember them?"

"Yeah," she said as she put on the coat and he ushered her out of the airport.

"We'll make it to the venue just as the show is ending," he said.

Once they were there, Mike ushered her to the bus. She could see the crowds were just letting out, so she decided to just sit down. But she was too nervous, so she walked the length of the bus. It was no different than she remembered it. But then again it was. This wasn't the same bus, but just as she had that thought Justin walked onto the bus. "Hi," was all he said.

"Hi."

"You look great."

"Thanks," she said looking at him, really looking at him for the first time. Just as the bus started to roll.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"No thanks."

"Ok well I'm going to go grab a shower."

"Alright," she said nodding her head. "I'll be right here."

"Wow, that feels better," Justin said coming out of the bathroom. "I'm sure I smell better too. Brit, was is it?" he said as he noticed that she had gotten really quiet after he left.

"Something is different about the bus," she said.

But he laughed. "Good eye."

"What?"

"Well, my bus had a queen-size bed. I mean, I didn't think I would be traveling alone and JC's had a twin. So we traded."

"Oh," was all she said before the familiar knock at the door letting them know they had reached their destination.

"Let's go beautiful," he said as she began to put her coat on. Justin grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Thank you," he said.

The crowd was typical outside of the hotel. She was glad she had thought to put a hooded sweatshirt on when she pulled it up over her head and was hustled inside by two bodyguards. Before she knew it they were in their room.

"Hi," he said again.

"Hi, again."

"You know what this reminds me of?"

"No, what?"

"When you snuck out of Boston to come and see me."

She smiled. "Yeah you're the second person tonight to mention the old days," she said. "They were much."

"I've missed you," he said as he walked closer to her and brushed a piece of hair that had fell.

"J we have to talk," she said. "Before anything else, we have to talk," she said as she walked towards the sofa where she sat.

"Ok so talk."

"Promise me, whatever I say I still love you and I did it for you."

"You're scaring me."

"Ok here goes nothing," she said as she proceeded to tell him what she had told her mother. How she felt like she was holding him back and how she would get in his way.

By this time he had walked over to the entertainment center in the room.

"Good, they brought everything up," he said.

"Didn't you hear what I said?" she asked stunned.

But he only turned around and smiled at her.

"Dance with me," he said.

"J…"

"Pinky, I have known you for what…almost ten years now? I know how that mind of yours works. I kinda figured that's what it was. I'm just upset that you didn't come to me earlier."

"I thought I was doing the right thing," she said.

"In a way you did."

"What?"

"Brit these past few weeks has taught me a lesson. No matter what I'm doing, where I'm at, who I'm with, it doesn't matter unless I am with you."

"Do you mean it?"

''Yes baby I do. I know I did some…" was all he could get out before he felt Britney's lips on his.

She pulled back and looked at him. "You know I only have a few more days and I'm off again."

"I know."

"Things might get crazy again," she said.

"Just dance with me," he said as he picked up the remote from the table and the music came on. He looked into her eyes. "These lyrics…they aren't mine but I mean every word," he said as he pulled her closer.


I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone(alone)
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine,

I'd rather have bad times with(please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else(I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm(anytime),
than safe and warm by myself(so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart(my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you(surely),
than good times with someone else(surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm(oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself(all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart(you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoooo.....who holds my heart