My Three Lives
SS by Brandy

"Why did it take us so long to get here?" She asks me, cuddling close to the warmth of my body beneath the sheets.

"You're the one that loves foreplay--" I can't finish my sentence before she playfully hits me in the arm.

"Ow, Brit! What was that for?" She turns to face me and rolls her eyes.

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it." I tenderly run my fingers through her hair and kiss her forehead lightly.

"I know. You're wondering why we spent the past ten months of our lives pretty much miserable without each other to find out that we truly are meant to be together." I feel her nod under my chin.

"I let my stubbornness get in the way of my feelings for you. I thought if I just pretended you didn't exist, somehow you wouldn't." She laughs quietly to herself. "I guess it didn't work."

"Nope. You're stuck with me." I grin at her and proceed to get out of the bed when she pulls me back to her side.

"You never answered my question." I furrow my eyebrows and gaze at her.

"Britney what's the point of rehashing all of this? We're here together and that's all that matters." She props herself up on her elbow, the sheet gently falling to the middle of her chest.

"It matters to me. Baby, we need to be able to talk about this stuff or we'll never truly get past it." She responds.

"But on Valentine's Day morning?" I whine.

"Yes! Now I already told you I was just plain stubborn. What about you?" She intently waits on my answer, her brown eye boring into mine. I shrug and look away.

"I was confused." I simply say.

"That's it?" She questions suspiciously.

"Did you think it was going to be this huge revelation that would change the earth as we know it?" I joke and she narrows her eyes.

"Of course not. But Justin I get confused when someone gives me bad directions. There has to be something more to it." She protests softly and I suddenly feel her smooth leg running up and down against my own under the covers.

"Are you trying to seduce me into opening up to you?" I wonder slightly, enjoying the sensation she has brought upon me.

"Maybe." Her eyes sparkle with a hint of mischievous. "You are a guy." I turn over and wrap my arms around her small waist.

"A guy that would love nothing more to go and fix you a Valentine's Day breakfast right about now." I bring my face close to hers, leaning in for a kiss when she stops me.

"Not until you talk." I sigh and lean against the headboard.

"Fine Britney." I pause for a moment, getting my thoughts together.

"Do you ever feel like there are voices inside your head?" She seems taken aback by my question.

"What kind of voices?" She timidly asks me.

"Voices that don't go away. Voices that tell me what to say and what actions to take."

"You mean like your conscience?" I shake my head.

"Not exactly." I take a deep breath and continue talking. "When we broke up, I felt like I had lost everything. You were the most important person in my life and to have that taken away was complete torture." She listens silently to my story. 

"That's about the time JT came into my life." I tell her.

"JT?" She responds.

"Yeah, his name was JT. He was the kind of suave guy that you would meet and instantly be mesmerized with. . .he just had "It." He didn't care what anyone said about him or did to him except one particular person that he just completely despised with his whole being."

"Who was that?" She wonders getting more comfortable. I stare down at her solemnly.

"You." She looks shocked and I continue.

"He hated Britney Spears. He never really told me why, just danced around it. He got the greatest satisfaction out of hurting you, whatever it took to make you feel his pain." I swallow hard. "And sometimes it took me to help him in this endeavor."

"Like what?" She already knows the answer, but would like me to tell her.

"The radio incident." She cringes at my words. "I didn't want to do it, but JT just all of a sudden popped into my head. Those DJs were getting me all flustered to answer the infamous question and I was going to tap out right then and there when JT just blurted out the answer. I personally regretted that for a long time. He never cared about you, throughout everything, he just never cared."

"Go on." She urges.

"JT was famous with the Hip Hop scene and with the ladies. I suppose it was the Casanova in him that made the women flock to wherever he was having a drink or partying. He never turned them down either because his thinking was that at least someone cared about him, you know? At least he would have someone. Like Jenna for instance. She was pure pleasure for him and it felt nice to be able to relate to another human being again." Britney repositions herself on the bed.

"Then there was Alyssa. I couldn't really tell if he had actual feelings for her or if it was just another distraction for him until the next female caught his eye. Either way it was fun having a no strings attached relationship."

"I'm sure it was." 

"Britney I promise you when I went on those interviews and they asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said no, I was seriously telling the truth."

"Right. Those were JT's chicks." She says knowingly.

"Exactly. And the interesting thing was that he probably could have made a future with one of them if it wasn't for J." She rubs her tired eyes and yawns.

"J?"

"Another persona. And I have to tell you that J loved you with all of his being. He woke up with you on his mind in the morning and you were in his dreams when he slept at night. He was completely infatuated with you."

"I think I would like J." She whispers fondly.

"Yeah you would have. He always wanted me to talk about you, to let you know that he loved you. I obliged his requests simply because I knew what a mess JT had made of things concerning you. I thought maybe J would smooth over the hurt and anger that you were feelings towards me. . . my third voice."

"Your name being Justin." She coughs and gazes up at me for confirmation.

"Yes, Justin who was seriously confused about everything. This internal struggle between JT and J with Justin in the middle. . .it was just excruciating. He didn't know where to turn or who to listen to anymore." He was caught in between these two guys' emotions and he knew that the only way to stop his madness was to let go of one of them."

"How did he do that?"

"It was a slow process. I think that both of them realized that I was trying to change, so they would voluntarily pit themselves against each other at the same time. It was like a riding a roller coaster ride for months, having these people basically ruin my life and turn me into a media whore. I had to stop them. And I realized the key to stop them was you."

"Me?" She coughs.

"Yeah. Deep down inside I always knew that I loved you with all my heart. No matter what lies JT was trying to plant into my head, I knew that someway or another I had to be with you and you had to be with me. . .Justin. So I kicked JT to the curb. Told him to find another unsuspecting lost soul to mess with because I, I finally knew what I wanted." She waited for me to finish.

"Of course J was ecstatic. He was seriously getting fed up with that JT man. He couldn't wait until I told you my decision. So that night at your apartment, I did." I caress her bare shoulder and softly speak. "And the rest is history."

"And do these people. . . JT and J. . . have they ever came back into your life?" I shake my head.

"Nope. They're finally gone. JT just vanished into thin air and I'm glad. I kind of miss J, but wherever he is, I'm sure he's happy I'm with you now and forever." I turn to face her, trying to read her reaction.

"Wow Justin. That was . . ." Her finger traces the outline of my cross tattoo.

"It was what?"

"The biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard in my entire life." I notice a smile tug upon the corners of her mouth and I can't help but laugh.

"I know. But you love me anyway." She brings her lips to mine and we settle into a deep, passionate kiss.

She loves me anyway.