Moving On
SS by Jaymie

            “If you truly cared about me, you would’ve come after me years ago!” I exclaimed, feeling tears beginning to run down my cheeks. “But you loved her… and you just left me there…” I burst into tears, leaving Justin there to watch me.

He bit his lip and then said, “I am so sorry, Brit. I never meant to hurt you.”

~*~

Looking into his eyes that night, I know that he truly didn’t mean to hurt me. It’s not like he could see into the future five years ahead as we sat on his couch on Christmas Eve wrapped in each other’s arms. That’s when he had whispered ‘I love you’ to me for the first time.

            “I Love You” … the three most powerful words. They could send shivers of happiness up and down your spine or break your heart into so many pieces that it was impossible to put them back together. 

            But if he wanted Cameron over me, that was fine. I didn’t care. I couldn’t tell him how to run his life. I’m not saying it didn’t hurt me, because it did. A lot. That’s the thing about breaking up with someone you love with all of your heart. It always seems like they don’t need you, but your still hanging onto every memory you have of them.

            And it’s hard. I miss a lot of things. Like going to all of the parties and premieres with him. I miss the midnight phone calls where he would call to tell me he loved me and to have ‘sweet dreams’. I miss the glances across the room that, to other people, seemed ordinary, but to J and me meant the world.

            Now whenever I go to the premieres and parties, he’s with her. She reminds me of what him and I could have been. They seem so happy together, but I know he’s not. I know his smile. He can fool his fans and Cameron, but not me. I’ve known him for what feels like forever… and almost is.

            You’re probably wondering if I would ever go back and ‘do it all over again’. I really don’t know. Part of me wants to go back so that I can figure out a way to make him mine forever, but the other part of me doesn’t want to go through what seemed like a fairytale, and turned out not to be.

            If Justin ever decides that he wants me back, I may choose to give “us” one more try, but for now all I have to do is wait. The best thing for a broken heart is to let yourself cry, but then you have to realize that crying won’t change anything. You need to learn to pick up and move on… and that’s what I’m doing. Moving on…