If You're Not The One
SS by Kelli

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

Britney slides her hand into mine and smiles at me.  Seeing that only warms my heart.  It's been awhile since my heart has felt this calm about things.

"Why are you smiling?" she asks.

I chuckle.  "I'm smiling because you are."

"I am?" she asks, getting a goofy grin on her face.

I nod.  "Uh huh."

"Maybe because I'm happy."

"And why is that?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Because I'm here on a picnic......with you."

She leans over and kisses my cheek.

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

"What would you be doing right now if you weren't here with me?" I ask, leaning back on my elbows.

She crosses her legs and thinks about it.  "Probably shopping," she giggles.  She pops a potato chip into her mouth.

I roll my eyes and nod.  "Probably.  So see, I'm saving you money," I say sitting up.

"Oh, I'll make up for it," she says with a wink and a wave of her hand.  "It was so nice of Renee to cook us lunch," she says before taking a bite of barbecued chicken.

"She cooks for me all the time," I say, licking the barbecue sauce from my fingers.

She sticks her tongue out at me.  "You don't have to rub it in."

"That's why I invited you here....I knew your mama wasn't here so...." I shrug.

"I do miss her cooking," she sighs.  "Well and her, of course."

"Of course," I agree.

"This is nice though."  She looks around my backyard as we sit on a blanket that's spread out over the lawn.

"It gets too noisy in there," I say, nodding my head toward the house.  "Too many distractions."

"Too many people," she chuckles.

"Exactly."

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

"I guess I should be going," she says.

The sun has just finished setting and her head is resting on my lap as she gazes up at the sky.

I brush a strand of hair away from her eyes.

"You don't have to," I whisper.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Yes.....I do."

My heart sinks.  "Okay."  I bow my head and close my eyes.

"This was nice, though.  Thanks for thinking about me," she says as she sits up.

"That's what I do," I say so softly I don't think she can hear me.  When I glance up at her, I know she has.  A soft smile covers her face.

"I think about you too, Justin," she says, her hand reaching out to touch mine.  "But....."

She doesn't finish her thoughts....she doesn't have to.

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I toss and turn in bed that night.  I probably shouldn't have spent so much time with her today because now I can't get to sleep.  What happened between us today was a big step in my book....in hers too, I'm sure.

I don't know why I called her today to come over for a picnic lunch.  I smelled Renee's cooking and immediately thought about calling Brit.  We've been talking on the phone more and more lately and I thought, why not?

Now I'm wondering why.

I've finally been feeling a sense of peace lately.  Peace with Britney and with my career and now I'm going to stir things up again.

My heart is asking all those questions I thought I had finally answered.

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

"Hey."

"Hi," she says the next day when I call her on the phone.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Not much.  I'm just about to get my nails done.  Why, did Renee make too much chicken again?" she giggles.

I smile at her laugh.  "No...she hasn't cooked anything yet, actually.  I just wanted to say that I had a nice time yesterday."

She takes a few seconds before she answers.  I hear a bell jingle on a glass door.

"I did too.  We should do that again real soon."

"Do you mean that?" I ask with surprise in my voice.

"Yes," she chuckles.

"How about dinner tonight.  More Southern cooking."

"Oh...." she hesitates.  "Well, who all is going to be there."

She mumbles something to the nail technician.

"No one, actually."

"Not Trace?" she asks in surprise.

"No, he went home for a few days....why?"

"I just get the feeling that he doesn't like seeing me hang around."

"He's fine," I lie.  "But anyway, it's just you, me and Renee...."

"What time?"

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

I open the front door and lean down to give her a hug.  She wraps her arms around me and holds tight.  We stay like this for a few minutes before I pull back and take her hand.  She sets her purse down in the foyer as I lead her to the living room.

"Mmmmmm smells so good," she says.

"Yeah, it's one of your favorites...."

"Buttermilk Meatballs?" she asks.

"No....your other favorite," I say as I stand in front of her.

"Peachy Ribs?"

I smile and nod.  "Yep."

She squeals and jumps up and throws her arms around me.  This sudden move takes me by surprise but I hold onto it....and her.

I chuckle.

"Hey, don't give me all the credit, I just told her what you like.  Miss Renee's doing all the cookin'."

"Yeah, but you remembered," she says, giving me a warm smile that reaches all the way down to my toes.

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

She leans back in my arms as we sit on the couch watching a cheesy Lifetime movie together.

"Good night kids," Renee says from the doorway. 

I lift up my arm and wave at her.

"Thanks Miss Renee," Britney says, waving goodbye.

It gets quiet again and she entwines her fingers with mine.  I close my eyes and try not to let my heart get too wrapped up into her again.

I take a deep breath and get a whiff of vanilla.  This scent has always reminded me of her.  I lick my lips and wrap my arms around her tighter.  She adjusts herself a little bit to get used to this new position and leans her head back so that it's resting on my chest.

The movie's almost over.

I know she'll be leaving my arms and my heart again.

But hopefully.....not for long.

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I...

I wake up and try to move but I can't....

When I open my eyes I see a blonde head resting on my chest.  I pull my leg out from underneath hers and let it fall to the floor.  I don't think I can move my neck.

"Brit," I say with a hoarse voice.

She moans and lifts up her head, rubbing her eyes.

"Where am I?"

"We fell asleep on the couch," I say, trying to chuckle but it hurts my head too much.

She opens her eyes and looks into mine.

"Oh.  Good morning."

I smile.

"Good morning."

"Does Miss Renee cook you breakfast too?" she smiles.

For some reason.....I don't feel her heart running away anymore.