I Miss You
I Miss You – A Short Story
Wade’s POV
Sometimes I feel like I need to watch her. That’s it’s my job, my duty. My obligation of sorts.
I’ve watched her in the studio. I’ve watched her on the stage. I’ve watched her for Johnny. For Justin. And for me.
I’ve watched her as she worked her body to its breaking point. As she’s made herself sick from nervousness. As she’s cried herself to sleep from missing him.
I’ve seen her in positions and states of mind that you would never expect and I would never tell.
And tonight, I watch her again.
Her eyes carefully scan the crowd of people in front of her as if she’s looking for something, or someone in particular. And maybe she is. Maybe she’s seeking something that will intrigue her for more than two seconds and take her mind off of him. Maybe she’s searching for someone who can erase the pictures of him with Jenna or the thoughts of him with strippers.
Or maybe she doesn’t even know what she’s looking for.
My heart skips a little as I see a guy step beside her. He hands her a small glass cup filled with an amber liquid as he scoots his body onto a stool. He talks to her for a few seconds and I see her smile nervously. She begins to search the crowd again as he leans in closer. Finally, her eyes find mine.
She opens her mouth slightly as she silently pleads and I pull my body from the chair and move toward her.
Bachelor #1 greets me with a slight smirk and looks me over before he turns his attention back to Britney. I obviously seem to be no competition for him. He talks her up, telling her how beautiful she is. But it's just words. Words that she has heard plenty of times in her life and will likely hear plenty more times. Words that mean nothing to her.
Her eyes move to her leg the same time his hand does and she bites her lip before she slides from her seat and takes my waiting arm.
She doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t have to, as we move onto the dance floor and I slip my hands onto her tiny waist.
She rests her head against my chest and I feel her body start to tremble slightly. I move my hands further around her waist, resting them at the small of her back as I pull her closer to me.
Her scent tickles my nose. That apricot and vanilla aroma that Justin missed so much when Britney went away. I remember walking onto the tour bus at the beginning of the Pop Odyssey tour and seeing him holding one of his shirts to his nose. It smelled like her, he explained. She had slept in it the night before. He loved the way she smelled. And with her in my arms, I understand why.
I wonder if he still misses that scent. If he still holds one of his shirts that she lingers on. If that smell brings back memories to his mind and to his heart. Or if he’s found a new scent that perks his senses. Maybe it’s now Jenna’s or someone else’s that brings back the memories. I doubt it, but maybe. For some reason, I can’t fathom replacing the woman in my arms that quickly. Or maybe I can’t fathom replacing her at all.
My mind wanders back to the ride here. To the unusual silence that encompassed us both until she spoke the words I knew she would one day ask. Do you know her, she asked, her voice solid, yet weak. I answered truthfully, a simple yes. But she asked nothing more, only nodded her head and looked out the window. She went back into her own world, the world where Jenna plagues her thoughts and she questions everything about herself, from her heart to her soul.
But then she reemerged. Plastering a big, fake smile on her face and walking into this club as if she had no care in the world. She’s good at that. She always has been. Hiding her pain behind that remarkable smile. They don’t see the side of her that I do. The side that’s incredibly strong, yet plagued with vulnerability and self doubts. She’s her own biggest critic and her own best friend. She has to be. In her world of constant touring, press conferences and popstar commitments, the only person who’s there for her all the time is Britney herself.
She snakes her arms slowly around my neck and pulls her body onto mine. I clutch my arms tighter to adjust to her new position. She is now completely in my arms. I’ve had her in my arms before, many times before, but never like this. And admittedly, it scares me. Because right now, she feels so good against me. And right now, it may seem like she’s dancing only for me but in reality, I know she’s dancing only for him. She’s proving to him that she can go on without him. Even if it’s only in her own head.
But even though my heart is aching by having her in my arms, I can’t let her go. I won’t let her go. I would rather hold her for a minute and take away her pain than to never hold her at all.
And it’s at this moment that I wonder if Justin realizes what he’s lost. If he realizes that he had the world in his arms and he gave it up. If he knows that she is that something special that everyone is looking for and he let her slip away. Somehow I believe he does.
Her eyes are now on mine. She smiles weakly and for the first time I hear the song echoing against the walls of the room. Gone. She lifts onto her tiptoes and whispers for me to take her home.
And I do as she wishes. Her tiny body huddled once more against the door of the car. Her eyes once again gazing out the window. But this time, she speaks words that I never expected. Would you miss me, she utters softly. My heart aches. My palms sweat. My heart pounds. Yes. I’ve justified her worth for the time being.
My eyes go back to the lonely road that stretches ahead of me. My mind to the question that she just asked.
Maybe one day I will tell her that I miss her the minute she leaves my sight.
Maybe one day I will tell her she’s worth more than the record deals, the magazine covers and the movie roles.
Maybe one day I will tell her that I love her.
But as I pull into the driveway and look into those brown eyes and see the longing there for another man who holds her broken heart, I know that today is not that day.
So I settle for a hug and a whispered promise to be there for her if she needs me. And I watch as she slips from the car and into house, leaving me alone in the darkened space.
And in that instant . . . . . . . . . . . I miss her.
Back to ----->