I wake up to the sound of my mobile ringing, it is 3 o’clock in the morning and I know exactly who it is. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad about this call. I want to hear her voice so badly however it hurts me every time I do.

I knew what I was getting myself into I knew this was just as she says "for fun" no commitments, no responsibilities, no love, just fun. At first I wanted exactly the same, since both of us had been through the whole break up thing. And we just wanted something light, so it made sense to get together. We knew each other pretty well, she was my friend, always had been. And hell she was hot so why not? Why not have some fun? Why not just date?

So why am I complaining? You know how many guys would die (yes die) to be in my position?! To be able to hug, kiss and even make love to one of the hottest woman this world has ever seen! I should consider myself the luckiest guy in the world since I get what every man wants and I could even go and do the same thing with somebody else and don’t get in trouble for it or feel guilty. It would be ok, that’s what she does anyway, and I can’t tell her anything, it’s either have her this way or not have her at all. And I prefer to have her. I prefer to have those cute brown eyes look at me every now and then, to have those beautiful lips kiss me with passion, to have those arms wrapped around me. But when I see those eyes looking at somebody else, those lips kissing somebody else, those arms wrapped around somebody else, that’s when it hurts, it kills me, it destroys me. I know having her like this in my life is not healthy since I am hurting myself. But I just can’t say no to her, I can’t.

Sometimes I get the hope that maybe some day things will change, that maybe one day she will feel what I feel. That she would look at me in the eyes and she will say "I love you and I don’t want anyone else but you". But I know however this day will not come anytime soon. As she has said tons of times she doesn’t want that right now. Maybe because she has already had that and she wants to try something different.
I was there when everything happened, I was there when she cried, when she yelled, when she was totally devastated because the love of her life had left her but I was also there when one day she woke up and all that amazing beautiful love was gone, just like that. When she realized that the real love of her life was still to come. It took her by surprise at first but then she loved it.

She loves it so much, the feeling that she is free and doesn’t belong to anyone, that she does not have to give explanations to anyone about what she did or what she didn’t do.

At first I just thought she was faking and that she was just doing all this to make him jealous or something but no, she is not like that. She can’t fake, and that’s what cracks me up when I read newspapers saying how fake she is and stuff, if they only knew. They don’t know Britney. But soon they will. She is not scared anymore, she is not scared to speak what is in her mind, or to be real, yes she drinks, she smokes, she has sex why should everyone care? And no she is not a bad person she is beautiful. She is not perfect but she is the closest to it I have ever seen.

So I pick up my mobile scared of what I might hear but at the same time my heart starts to beat fast and I get that silly feeling in my stomach

"Hello?"

"Hello David, hey babe, how are you?"

She’s been out again, I can tell

"Well until 2 seconds ago I was sleeping, but now thanks to you I am not sure if I will be able to go to sleep again!"

She laughs "Great! Exactly what I wanted!" she says

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She giggles, that beautiful innocent giggle, she looks like a 5 year old girl every time she giggles, and even though I can’t see her face right now I know that’s exactly what she looks like. But after she giggles however she does what a 21 year old girl does

"You’ll see"

"Brit, don’t play games with me!"

"Oh c’mon! You liked them last time!"

"You are blushing right now aren’t you? I can so tell!"

"No I am not! I am just. . I am just happy that’s all"

"Well miss spears last time you played games with me we were in a different type of situation!"

"And who is saying this time we won’t be in that situation again?"

"Where are you?"

Giggles

"Brit, c’mon tell me!"

"Well why don’t you come and find me?"

"Because it is 3 o’clock in the morning I am in my bed and I am not wearing anything!"

She hangs up maybe her batteries were low or something. She will call again I know.

Suddenly I feel her eyes on me, and that bright smile too, she is nearby I can feel it I can sense her. I look up and I see her. Wearing a pair of jeans and a tight top nothing too hot but she looks beautiful, as usual. She is not drunk and that’s a relief but she’s been partying. She has that look on her face that look that says that she has done something she is not supposed to but she is proud of it and she wants more. She looks at me straight in the eyes and starts walking towards the bed. I was cold I few minutes ago well that’s all gone now! She stops just when she is a few inches away from me and starts to caress my face. I am in heaven.

"Hey" she says

"How did you get in?"

"I have my ways. Do you want me to go?"

"No! no no that’s cool you . . you can stay"

Can’t even talk properly damn it!

"I missed you" she tells me and my heart hurts I know she means this, but it is not enough

She kisses me and I kiss back, getting lost in her as I always do

"Oh really? How much?" I say between kisses

"A lot"

"Well, we are gonna have to do something about that!"

"I know, we are just gonna have to!"

We start to kiss again, more passionately this time though. I know what she wants and I know what I want and I know what I am about to say is stupid but I have to know

"What did you do today?"

She looks at me and with her face she tells me "What?"

"You are a little weird sometimes David!"

"No, I just, I am just curious"

"Why don’t I tell you afterwards"

She winks

"No, because afterwards I am going to be tired, it is not easy keeping up with you you know!"

"Shut up!"

"Oh look Ms. Spears is blushing!"

We both laugh

"Ok, well I went shopping with my mum in the morning, I went to Julia’s place in the afternoon we just hung out there and then we and the rest of the girls went clubbing, you know everyday stuff"

"And, now the million dollar question!" she laughs " What happened in the club? Who with? Where?"

"Hhmm you are very interested in this aren’t you?"

"Yeah! C’mon!" she smiles " I won’t tell anyone!" I whisper

"C’mon Brit! What was his name?"

"Bryce, Italian, really nice ass and very good kisser"

Why do I do this? Why do I hurt myself like this?

"Was he hmm good?"

Did I just ask that!?

"Well he was bragging and bragging about his "skills" so I just you know wanted to see if he was telling the truth because you know people shouldn’t go around lying about that"

"So you did your "good thing of the day"? "

"Yeah"

"I am so proud of you! OH GOD! I think I am going to cry!"

We both laugh

"Dork!" she says

She looks at me and gets closer

"Was he lying?"

"No"

Kiss

"But . . . I told him I had someone I really needed to see"

Another kiss

"You really needed to see me?"

"Yeah"

"May I ask why?"

"Well. . . you are really good too!"

"Brit!"

"Well now who is the one blushing!"

We both laugh

"No. c’mon tell me, why did you want to see me?"

"You see David, well it’s kinda hard to explain but basically I can go on and do anything I want to do with whoever I want to do it with but at the end. . . I always come back to you"

"Why?"

"Not sure, but let’s no focus on that right now ok?"

"Ok"

Until when will you come back to me Britney? And why? I ask myself, but I don’t want an answer right now. All I want is have her in my arms and love her even if she doesn’t know I do. She kisses me and I immediately kiss her back. I will love her all night long even if she does not know about it. Tomorrow, tomorrow is another day we will se what happens then.