Breathing
SS by Cay

Justin’s POV 

 

Breathing is a natural bodily function. One that comes right when one is born, and is essential to stay alive. 

 

But sometimes, a person can’t breathe. Sometimes it’s because of a medical impediment. A physical disability, but for me, a mental disability. 

 

She was my air, the oxygen that I always needed. She breathed life into me, and I lived, I flourished. 

 

Every waking minute that I spent without her, part of me struggled to breathe, struggled to fit into that niche that she and I had made. Counting the minutes that she would return, I learned more and more how difficult it was to breathe without her. Without the other part of my heart. Without her special scent. 

 

Like pollen, she infiltrated my lungs and spread throughout my body, creating a familiarity that would haunt my soul forever. 

 

But also like pollen, I became irritated. Irritated of the tight space, the long distances, the long pauses between each breath that I took. I became annoyed at the short gasp of air I was getting, and the long delays before she was with me. 

 

So I wanted it all. All or nothing. 

 

And I chose nothing. I chose to break away, wanting to learn how to breathe on my own. Trying to do everything I usually do, without having to stop and be suffocated with responsibilities. 

 

I wanted the fresh air. And I got it. 

 

She’s stronger than me. She’s breathing on her own. Her own system of support was built around her heart and soul. Not me. 

 

Mine was built on her. And I threw it away.  

 

So I’m breathing the fresh air. The aura of freedom and individuality, and I’m still struggling to breathe. 

 

Because once you have become accustomed to one thing, one type of scent or even one type of breathing pattern, it hurts even more to rid yourself of it. It hurts even more to be haunted by the constant reminders. 

 

So I’m running back. Running back to sanity.  

 

And I will sit here at this door, until her heart opens it to me, and I can finally take a breath and hold on tight, falling back into the arms of grace. 

 

 

I'm finding my way back to sanity again  

Though I don't really know what i'm gonna do when i get there  

I take a breath and hold on tight  

Spin around one more time  

And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace  

 

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying  

Even if you don't wanna speak tonight  

That's alright, alright with me  

Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door  

And listen to you breathing  

Its where i wanna be, yeah  

Where I wanna be  

 

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth  

And i'm trying to identify the voices in my head  

God wish won't you  

Let me feel one more time what if feels like to feel  

And break these caluses off me one more time  

 

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying  

Even if you don't wanna speak tonight  

That's alright, alright with me  

Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside of your door  

And listen to you breathing  

Its where I wanna be, yeah  

 

Oh i don't want a thing from you  

Bet you're tired of me waiting for  

The scraps to fall off of your table to the ground  

La da da da...  

Cause i just wanna be here now  

 

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying  

Even if you don't wanna speak tonight  

That's alright, alright with me  

Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door  

And listen to you breathing  

Its where i wanna be, yeah  

Where I wanna be  

 

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying  

Even if you don't wanna speak tonight  

That's alright, alright with me  

Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door  

And listen to you breathing  

Its where i wanna be, yeah  

Where I wanna be