#41
by Danielle 

*Inspired by the song #41 by the Dave Matthew’s Band*

Number 41

There was once a girl with a delicate smile. She had precious brown eyes with these lips made up of this soft flesh that I would never forget. It wasn’t hard to fall in love with her at all. This lady had a lovely sense of humor. And she had a beautiful laugh; the kind that made my heart race. 

I could stare at her for hours, and she wouldn’t even notice. I knew every action of hers meant something. The way she stared at something with a tilted smile meant she was confused. The way she dances with her hands on my waist meant she wanted to go slow and not just on the dance floor.

"I am confident when I say that I know more about you than any girl you are ever likely to meet, J" she claimed one time. As I wondered if what she said was even grammatically correct, the realization suddenly hit me.

"So you’re saying you know me better than any girl even the ones I have yet to meet? How can you be so sure?" I ask with a suspicious glare.

"Because I know your soul," she had such sincerity in her voice that it caught me by surprise.

She then smiled at me with her eyes closed. I knew it was all she had to say. She leaned her head against my chest, and I remember running my fingers through her hair and praying that she was right.

She was the only girl that had the possession of my soul in her hands. 

But now the film has been cut…snapped and shredded. This might as well never happen. This memory of mine is a broken film about a ghost.

A ghost I loved more than life.

So I find myself here in my L.A mansion that is too big for a soul like me. Girlfriend is out of town, and I have to fend off these troubling memories on my own.

Cameron always shooed away this ghost. But now I have to fight to keep my mind from reeling back into the rusted past. Broken strips of pictures that I had the nerve to uncover lay like bloodstains of a crime that I never bothered to solve upon the kitchen counter.  

But then again why should I dwell over a lost cause?

A phone call then breaks into my current thoughts.

"Hey Ted…who? Yeah um send her in." I put the phone thinking I may have heard the wrong name of the visitor from my security guard.

The knock at the door will reveal if it’s true.

I open the door to see her with a smile on her face. The same precious smile, but somehow completely different.

"Surprise," she whispers with a faded laugh, noticing the slight tension that has crept in.

"Hey, sorry I wasn’t expecting you…come in," I tell her almost too quickly. But I couldn’t help but feel nervous in this situation. Once she is inside, I shut the door. 

I turn to find her in front of me with both her hands fidgeting with each other. I then lay a hand on her waist as I lean down to kiss her cheek for a proper greeting. When I pull back, her glassy eyes look deeply into mine. For a moment I can see the ghost, but it vanishes in a second. It was all in my head, I guess.

I take a deep breath, "So how are…" I start to say but she never let me finishes.

"I’m getting married," she says with firm eyes. Almost as if she was trying to convince herself.

"So I hear…I think the first thing I should say is congratulations." I say with a laugh as I gently touch her shoulder. She nods her head with a soft thank you. Then I see her bite her bottom lip and I begin to wonder what brought her here in the first place.

Her arms then swiftly come up to lock my neck in a tight embrace, and I wasn’t sure want to do as my arms stay tense and paralyzed by my side.  I wasn’t sure how to react.

She then cries softly in my neck, and begins to speak. "You think you can do me one favor and this will be the last I ever ask of this I promise… but you think you can take me away for awhile like we used to…it’s not that I am trying to cheat on Kevin or anything I love him so much…it’s just that I…" but I hush her.

My arms finally surround her waist as I bend down softly to grasp her better. And this seems to calm her cries. Nostalgia suddenly crept over as I remembered how small she was…and fragile.

"I’d be happy to take you away for awhile…just consider it an early wedding present," I smile into her hair. And she laughs through her tears…and I could have sworn that my heart stared to race in response.

We’ll be each other’s hideaway for one night. I am volunteering to be her escape.

After all, we are just two ghosts reeling back into a love…a waltz that we used to play so well. Tonight we’ll live through memories even if it’s only in our heads.

Britney wipes away at her tears as she pulls away, and with careless eyes she studies me. Then she smiles because she likes what she sees; a man who somehow becomes lost every time he looks into an old flame’s eyes.

It’s her that troubles me as I ponder over her past actions. But I will free her mind from these wedding plans or as I like to call it ‘the disaster’ but I am sure she won’t appreciate the nickname. But enough about the engagement…she will live through my eyes tonight. 

"So what are you thinking?" she asks, still standing there with her curious eyes .

"I am thinking…about how I am going to take you away with no intention of mentioning how you are going to be a married women in a few days," I tell her, honestly.

She continues to stay speechless as I take her hand and turn her diamond to face the inside of her hand. Britney makes no move to stop me.

"Come on," I say, dragging her to the front door. We run to the car, failing to notice the black clouds that were rolling in.

I insist that we go into the car with the sunroof even though it looked like a storm was coming. I knew how she loved the rain…I remember glimpses of her standing on the porch of her Louisiana mansion watching the rain fall and waiting for me to drive into her driveway.

She was always waiting for me.

"Let’s go out in the corvette," I offer as I open the garage door.  Britney is happy with this decision, and I watch her pull her hair in to a messy bun. She quickly enters the garage and jumps into the flat car without opening the door.

I follow her actions as I sweep my feet up and come down into the car with a ‘thump.’

Britney laughs at my replica of her previous boarding, and I pause to embed her current expression into my mind with her eyes so wide as she looks at me. I am so glad to see her tears disappear.

I start the car and laugh when I see her clap her hands in response. She is showing me her youth…her innocence that I have always adored.  In my mind, I wonder if she ever shows this side of herself to him.

I like to think not, but I silently reprimand myself for even comparing.

"Aren’t you going to put the sunroof up?" Britney asks with eyes studying the dark clouds as I start to drive out of the driveway.

"Um…no I like a little rain. Don’t you?" I ask her with one hand to my chin, pinching the scruff. I stare at her reaction through the corner of my eye.

She starts to smile with her head tiled to the side. I know this look, I thought. 

"Sure…but you’ll ruin the car," she tells me, touching the leather of the seat with her finger.

I start to bite my lip to keep from smiling, knowing she is trying hard to distinguish my sudden expression. I am trying hard to bring her back…but I know she can’t recognize me right now.

"Come on, Brit…you dreamt about this once remember? You’re driving in a car with rain falling every where, and you can’t stop laughing. You were free…" I paint the memory for her.

"That was a long time ago. Lordy Justin I forgot about that…" she objects, but I press on.

"Oh and didn’t you tell me there was music playing too…" I say while pressing play for the CD to start playing.

"Oh gosh…this is crazy," she laughs then covers her face so I won’t see her blushing.

She was coming back…

When the song starts to play, Britney recognizes it instantly. She turns her head to give me a shock expression before turning the volume up.

As we drive beneath the stormy skies with the road clear before us, the rain drops start to fall. Britney feels two raindrops on her head, and then shakes her head in disbelief at me.

"Are you serious?" she asks, not believing that I was going to let this precious white car get soaked. But she doesn’t know…she doesn’t know that I love her more.  There has been many times in the distant past where she stood in the rain while I stood in the inside watching her…and all that time she was waiting for me to join her but all I ever did was watch then disappear.

But I refuse to let her stand alone this time.

"Justin!!" she shouts out my name in a whine, but the then screams as countless of raindrops start to fall hard…and harder.  I laugh at the scene of her attempt to keep herself dry, and it wasn’t long before she gave in…finally.

She throws her arms up in defeat and turns her face toward the incoming rainfall. With eyes tightly shut, she smiles as the rain collides against her skin. I look to see her ghost finally appear. She is letting go of all her insecurities as she pulls the band out of her hair.

She shakes her head wildly to let the stands of hair collect all the raindrops.

She loves it, I thought with my eyes blinking to see her screaming into the sky. I can only laugh and begin to fall in love all over again.

"Come and see… I swear by now I’m playing time… I against my troubles… I’m coming slow but speeding!!" and there she goes singing at the top of her lungs. She stares at me with embarrassing eyes, trying hard not to laugh.

"Come on J, sing with me," she leaned over to whisper in my ear. I couldn’t resist her…didn’t want to for that matter.

So I start to sing at the top of my lungs as well with my tongue tasting the rain as it fell down on us.

"Do you wish a dance and while I’m in the front… The play on time is won… But the difficulty is coming here!"

Both our voices collide with each other causing uproar of laughter to come after we realize how foolish we are being. But we can’t stop because we missed this…I then start to thank God for brining her to me at this point in time.

And I then catch a sudden glimpse of her soaked face smiling into the dark skies of the storm as if she was embracing every drop of rain that came her way. During this time, I am able to see the ghost….I am able to see her soul.

Moments pass and I am still nourished by her voice. I start to sing the next verse of the song with my hand itching its way toward hers. She then turns her head when she hears me…

"I will go in this way. And find my own way out I wont tell you to stay But I’m coming to much more!"

I suddenly love how she can’t stop smiling. It was rather ironic to see such a radiant face in a brewing wild storm with the darkness creeping in as we continued to drive. But I didn’t even notice the darkness…all I saw was her.

Then the climax hit for me when I felt the weight of her palm against my hand. She grabs it, and settles it to intertwine with her fingers on her lap. Our wet hands stuck to each other, and the rain made no attempt to stop. It just kept on falling as we fell back into the past.

"Me All at once the ghosts come back… Reeling in you now What if they came down crushing Remember when I used to play for all of the loneliness that nobody Notice now!"

She sings in a loud tone against the shatter of the rain drops against the car. It might sound crazy, but I am beginning to notice how the small gusts of wind whipping through us as we drive are reeling us into a memory we tried so hard to forget.

I thought the love I had for her was just a memory until now.

"I’m begging slow... I’m coming here

 Only waiting I wanted to stay

I wanted to play

I wanted to love you!"

"I wanted to love you!" we both scream through every the noise of rain drop, feeling the thunder vibrating through the sky. She then stops singing to look at me, and I grew weak under her stare.

We both wanted something more…we both wanted to beg each other to stay…we both wanted the other to say I love you. But our pain kept us apart. The hurt was too much to bear, and so we failed.

Only she is here now, scooting closer to me because she can barely see my face through the tremendous rainfall anymore. Her laughter is still ringing through the skies while I speed down the road.

As I kept my hands on the steering wheel, she was touching the stubble on my chin. She was playing…loving me. Wet fingertips tickle the hairs I allowed to grow. And I laugh, trying to see her face through the rain.

"I'm only this far…And only tomorrow leads the way," she sings into my ear in a hushed voice. And so I keep driving, pressing on the gas more. I hope that since she is this far with me…then maybe she won’t turn back.

If we don’t turn back then tomorrow is ours. "I'm coming, waltzing back and moving pushing into your head... please I wouldn't pass this by Oh and I wouldn't take any more and what sort of man goes by I will bring water!"

She sings with her fingers making patterns on my face, and I stare into her eyes to see every memory of hers play out before me. She tells the story of our love with every smile and roaming touch. We’re moving, and she’s pushing through every barrier that separates us. I was pushing too with every insensible act I made in the past, but it finally came to this.

No man in his right mind will regret her. No passerby will choose to ignore this, and I am glad that I was able to bring the rain for her. It is amazing to see how the rain can wash out our pain and carry us back to the past…to the love we once had.

With her hand in mind, she starts to hum to the band’s instrument.
She never misses a tune. 

Then the smile of hers begins to fade. Her eyes close, and I am no longer allowed to see the love she possesses. Britney recoils back into her soaked seat.

"I think its time to go home," she says with her eyes staring at her wet hands.

Tears start to form in my eyes, and they fall down along with the rain. It is now that I start to notice the dark skies. Her gloomy silhouette leaves me speechless.

The ghost had vanished.

She doesn’t say a word on the way home, and I find it hard to breath with the lump that has suddenly formed in my throat.
I pull into the driveway and watch her get out when I put the car in park.

"I better get going," she says to me.

"But you’re shivering, just come inside and ill get a change of…"

"No…" she says, harshly.

I stop talking and just stare at her trembling body. I take a step closer to her, and touch her arm softly. Her body leans into the sudden warmth of my hand for a moment. She’s ashamed to feel this way…it’s not normal to be engaged then to have fun with an old love, right?

"Brit, it’s okay to have fun, to be happy with out Kev…" but she shrugs off my touch.

"I need to go, thanks for your time." Britney runs to her car, and in an instant she is gone.

She came to me for a friendly talk, but never expected to get caught in the rain and back in love with him…

Britney comes home to the man she loves. She cradles his head in her lap and then counts the seconds before deciding to ask him a simple question.

"Do you love the rain?" she asks with her hand stroking his forehead.

"It’s alright, not on our wedding day though," Kevin chuckles. Britney only nods her head and smiles.

For some reason she couldn’t forget the feeling of his short stubble beneath her fingers.

Why was it that every thing about him had to be so addicting?

But it didn’t matter because she had everything right here in her arms.

She couldn’t wait to be a wife.

It is then time. It’s funny how time can play tricks on you sometimes isn’t it? She thinks with her eyes closed.

She opens her eyes when she hears the alarm, and then realizes that today is her wedding day. Then a break of thunder caused her to jump. She clutches the sheets as she hears the raindrops.

It was raining hard outside.

And then she silently cursed herself for letting a tear escape her eye.

Why won't you ever be glad?

It melts into wonder Oh lord I’m praying for you

Can’t any one see? I am across the street from the beautiful church, standing in the rain with my suit and tie. Guests arrive in limos to attend this wedding bash, and I decide to watch from the outside. Then the white carriage arrives at the entrance. The bride is in show.

I am holding my breath as the man with the umbrella opens the door. I then start to breathe when I see the lovely lady in white climb out. Her dress is carried by the many bridesmaids with umbrellas everywhere to shield her from the rain. While I let the rain soak me to the bone, I watch her turn around. For a moment, I believe that she sees me. Her hair was down; she looked beautiful. But she quickly turns around when she feels the tug of her dress being pulled towards the entrance of the church.

I never enter the church. Instead I wait outside and pray for her happiness to be everlasting.

Oh but how I wanted her to recognize me. I yearned for her to break though those umbrellas and race through the rain towards me. I was praying for her to play with me in that white wedding dress with the rain making puddles at her feet.

I just wanted her.

I then hear my cell ring, and I know it’s my current girlfriend on the other end. But I don’t answer it…she never liked the rain anyway.

When the bells of the church start to ring, I count forty one seconds before turning to leave.

The sudden loud bang of church doors flying open catches my attention. My eyes then catch a glimpse of a bride running towards me in the rain. Her white dress swirling in the gusts of wind as it fights against them.

When she reaches me, I can tell she is crying. But I don’t ask questions as I sweep her up in my arms. She wraps her arms around my neck and with one swift move…I kiss her. In this delicate kiss, I could taste the rain…and feel her tears splash with my own.

And then we ran…with our feet smashing against the puddles.
                   
Why won't you run into the rain and play?